Parenting a child who struggles with anxiety or low mood can be challenging. Every day may feel like a battle with worry, sadness, or stress. But research shows that a simple, supportive formula can make a big difference. This formula is:
Support = Acceptance + Confidence
When you combine acceptance and confidence in your everyday interactions, you create an environment where your child feels safe and empowered. With time, this supportive approach not only eases anxiety and low mood but also helps your child develop strong emotional regulation skills.
What Is Emotional Regulation?
Emotional regulation is the process of managing and responding to emotions in healthy ways. It means understanding what you feel, knowing why you feel that way, and then using strategies to calm down or cheer up. Researchers like James Gross have shown that when children learn to regulate their emotions, they are better able to handle stress and bounce back from difficult situations.
For children who often feel anxious or low, learning emotional regulation is key. It helps them shift from feeling overwhelmed to feeling more in control. And as parents, you can be a powerful guide in this learning process.
The Power of Acceptance
Acceptance means recognizing and valuing your child’s feelings without judgment. When your child is anxious or feeling low, their emotions are real and important—even if they seem overwhelming or hard to understand.
How to Practice Acceptance
When your child is upset, take a moment to acknowledge their feelings. Use simple, kind statements like:
- “I see that you feel really worried today.”
- “It’s okay to feel sad when things don’t go as planned.”
- “I understand that you are feeling overwhelmed right now.”
By saying these words, you help your child feel heard and understood. This is the first step toward emotional regulation. When a child knows that their feelings matter, they begin to trust that they can work through these emotions rather than getting stuck in them.
The Power of Confidence
Confidence is about believing in your child’s ability to manage their feelings and overcome challenges. It is a gentle reminder that even when emotions are strong, your child has the strength to find a way forward.
How to Build Confidence
After acknowledging your child’s feelings, follow up with a statement that shows your trust in them. For example:
- “And I know you can find a way to feel better.”
- “And I believe you will get through this tough moment.”
- “And I trust that you can manage these big feelings.”
This two-part approach—accepting their feelings and then expressing confidence in their abilities—creates a balanced message. It tells your child, “Your feelings are important, and I believe in your strength to handle them.”
Combining Acceptance and Confidence for Emotional Regulation
When you use both acceptance and confidence, you are teaching your child how to regulate their emotions. Instead of trying to hide or ignore their feelings, they learn to acknowledge them and then use their inner strength to overcome them.
For example, if your child is anxious about an upcoming school event, you might say:
“I know you feel nervous about the school event. And I know you can take small steps to feel more comfortable.”
This statement does several things:
- It validates the child’s feelings.
- It gently challenges them to begin managing their anxiety.
- It reinforces the idea that they have the ability to work through their worries.
Adding Insights from the SPACE Model
Eli Lebowitz’s SPACE model (Supportive Parenting for Anxious Childhood Emotions) is designed to help parents support children who struggle with anxiety. The model teaches us that by providing a supportive space—one that combines understanding with a gentle push toward independence—we can help our children learn to manage their emotions on their own.
Key Ideas from the SPACE Model
- Give Them Room: The SPACE model encourages parents to step back just enough to let children experience their feelings and learn to handle them. This does not mean leaving them alone, but rather offering support that allows for growth.
- Encourage Self-Soothing: Instead of immediately trying to fix a problem, let your child know you trust their ability to find ways to calm down.
- Balance Support with Independence: When you say, “I know you feel this way. And I know you can handle it,” you are giving your child both comfort and a nudge toward solving their own challenges.
By using the SPACE model together with our formula, you create a powerful combination. Your child not only feels understood but also learns that they have the inner strength to work through anxiety and low mood.
Practical Ways to Apply These Strategies
Scenario 1: Morning Anxiety
Imagine your child wakes up feeling anxious about the day ahead. You might say:
“I see you’re feeling really worried about today. And I believe you can find ways to make today a good day.”
This simple message validates their feelings while planting a seed of hope and self-efficacy. Over time, these messages help your child build the skills they need to manage anxiety from the moment they wake up.
Scenario 2: Coping with Low Mood
If your child is feeling down after a disagreement with a friend, try:
“I know you’re feeling sad right now, and that’s okay. And I know you have the strength to talk about how you feel and find a way to feel better.”
Such statements help your child see that low moods are a normal part of life, and that with a little time and self-care, they can improve their mood.
The Role of Emotional Regulation in Everyday Life
As your child practices these supportive strategies, they learn to recognize when their emotions are starting to take over. Over time, they begin to use their own tools—like deep breathing, taking a break, or talking about their feelings—to regulate their emotions. This gradual learning process is known as scaffolding, a concept from Vygotsky’s theory of development. By breaking down big emotional challenges into smaller, manageable steps, your child learns to handle difficult moments on their own.
Emotional regulation is not about suppressing feelings; it’s about understanding them and choosing how to respond. With each experience of acceptance and confidence, your child builds a stronger foundation for managing anxiety and low mood. They learn that their feelings are temporary and that they have the power to change how they react.
Final Thoughts: Empowering Your Child Through Support
Parenting a child with anxiety and low mood can be tough, but the right approach makes all the difference. By embracing the formula Support = Acceptance + Confidence and using strategies from the SPACE model, you provide your child with a clear path to better emotional regulation. You teach them that their feelings are valid and that they have the strength to work through them.
If you ever feel overwhelmed or unsure about the best ways to support your child, remember that professional guidance is available. As a therapist, I have seen how these techniques can transform a child’s emotional life. With a compassionate and structured approach, you can help your child move from a place of anxiety and low mood to a future filled with hope, confidence, and self-regulation.
Every supportive word you share is a stepping stone toward a brighter future for your child. If you’re ready to learn more about these strategies or need tailored support for your family, please consider reaching out for professional help. Together, we can create a nurturing environment that empowers your child to thrive emotionally.
Chris de Feijter uderwent extensive training with Dr. Eli Lebowitz in the SPACE model.
